So, define crazy….

February 12, 2009 at 12:00 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

I am not an expert on schizoaffective disorder. I can’t give you a textbook example…..but I can tell you what it was like growing up with my mother.

My mom thought everything was about her. Literally, everything. If you were speaking to someone and she came into the room – she assumed she was the topic. If you were speaking on the phone, it MUST be about her! And in her mind…it had to be nasty.

Every holiday was “her special day”. On “her special days” there had better be an adequate offering. A card – she flipped it over to see how much you paid before she opened it and if it was less than $5 in the ’70’s it wasn’t enough. Christmas, a poinsetta. Easter, a lily. Both had better have several blooms and a generous amount of buds as well. I recall the Easter I was 13 or 14, Max didn’t get a ‘nice enough’ lily and she threw it at him. I can smell the potting soil if I think about this incident too much. Of course – I was the one who got to clean up the mess!

My birthday was also “her special day”. I’d better make sure to make her feel appreciated.

She didn’t like strangers, more so when she was in one of her depressive states. I remember being about 10 (she would have been 40) and she needed kotex. We went into the store, and she gave me the money to go through the line and purchase them – because all the checkers happened to be men and she didn’t want “him looking at me”.

Conversely, any attention from a man made her “light up like a christmas tree”. She adored attention from men and flirted outrageously when possible. She viewed most women with suspicion, and all my childhood, I recall her having only one friend at all. She rarely went out unless she was with her sister or Max.

She felt that she always was on the “short end of the stick”. That she was always last.

There’s more, but that’s enough for today.


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